i saw nell today

i know, i know. nell is a terrific name for a friend to have. anyway, this is how it started.

last year, before i moved back to san francisco, i lived with nell. my good friend emily had moved back to san francisco early in the fall, my awesome friend carl had gone to japan and subletted the room next to mine to a girl i liked but not as much as him, and nell was sort of my saving grace because it seemed like everyone was just getting less and less happy. not just at the house - everywhere. myself included. then nell told me that she had decided to move, that she wanted to live by herself for a while. i completely understood her reasons for doing it, but having moved into the house specifically to live with her, i felt a little abandoned. i had thought i was still (immaturely and ashamedly) pretty butthurt about the whole thing until I JUST SAW HER AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

here is another way to approach the story.

this year, i have really been dressing like crap. at work i open cardboard boxes and take out the garbage. am i going to wear my limited edition search for spok promotional tshirt to work? no. nor am i going to wear a sweater, a sweatervest, a nice sweatshirt, or pretty much anything but one of the numerous crappy tshirts i own and a pair of pants that i won't get all butthurt about if they get a weird stain from packing materials (has happened) or i accidentally cut them with a boxcutter (has happened) or they get dripped on by the unrecognizable, possibly toxic material that drips from the ceiling in the back hallway (has almost happened). when i tutor, sometimes i'll put on a sweater or a nicer sweatshirt to cover up the crappy tshirt, but it's immediately back to the tshirt when i get home. i won't even go into the kitchen if i'm wearing anything i actually care about. the days that i don't have work are probably the worst though. i sleep in, and then feel guilty and rushed to try and do something with the day so i leave the house without even washing my face, usually in the tshirt i just slept in. then, inevitably, i see someone i know at the library, or trader joe's, or the post office (the three places i go on my days off). no matter who it is, i pretty much do not want to see them because i feel terrible and am pretty sure i look terrible, which is a shame because i know a lot of nice people that under other circumstances i would be very pleased to run into. but today was different. yesterday i went on a raging domestic kick, and cleaned my entire room (vacuumed, even) and started the 2-3 loads of laundry i have been putting off for a week. today, i got up early because i wasn't scared to face my surroundings (usually i just lie in bed and read comic books or stare into space, anything to put off getting up and looking at the shithole i live in. you would think this horribly depressing routine would have encouraged me to clean my room sooner. the only thing i can say is, i am just really lazy). i got dressed, washed my face and EVEN BRUSHED MY HAIR. that is when you know it is going to be a red letter day, where everything gets written in the day planner and then crossed off, the plants all get watered, i have a grocery list to take to the store, and i am on time for everything. i dressed in a nice tshirt i got months ago and hadn't even worn yet. i'd thought about wearing it before, even taken it out of the closet, and then thought, "why? i am only going to get dirt on it, so why put on a nice tshirt just to sit in front of the space heater and not look around?" i put everything i needed in my bag, gassed up, and was off to probably the most efficient and fulfilling round of errands i will enjoy all year. i had mailed everything i needed to mail and was parking in front of the post office, and who should i see walking by my car but old nell. AND FOR ONCE I DID NOT LOOK OR FEEL LIKE CRAP.

so there you go. i saw nell, it was great, we are hanging out on friday, and just like that i have a friend again.