keeping mum

jake is very superstitious and never tells anyone about job interviews or articles he's reasearching, and if he does tell them, he doesn't tell them what they're for or about. i am just very afraid of failure and judgement, so if i don't tell someone about something i'm trying to do, it's because i'm afraid it won't happen and then they'll keep asking about it and then i'll have to admit my failure, ashamed. what makes it worse is, i talk a lot, and sometimes it's hard to keep things inside, and they just fall out of my mouth and before you know it family members with a possibly inflated sense of my potential are calling to ask if i've been accepted to berkeley yet (never. going. to. happen.). so lately i've been trying to keep more things on the d.l., like where exactly i am applying, what my aspirations are, and what i did while jake was at work this morning (a lot of places, i'm not really sure and that in itself is embarassing, read comic books and ate toast in bed which is not allowed). it's kind of fun to try and keep bizarre stuff secret by being vague. "hey, i like your pants. where did you get them?" "oh, thanks. just somewhere," (old navy). "hey, are you going out? where are you going?' "oh, nowhere," (the gym). see, the answers are boring, but when you don't admit them, they don't sound boring at all.