lame

i saw a guy i went on a date with once at trader joe's today, and he was fat. like, in the way where he's pretending he isn't, and squeezing himself into jeans with the same designs on the back pockets as the ones the hipsters wear, but really his are stretchy and have an elastic waist and he is fooling nobody. this made me feel great. this makes me a terrible person.

to be fair, the date went terribly. jake and i had broken up for a little while and i met him through this online thing i joined just so i could look at anna forsher and maria galindo's profiles. i didn't even have a picture up, and everyone knows that if you don't have a picture up you are a. ugly or b. not taking it seriously. i will leave it up to you to decide which one of these i was. anyway, he "messaged" me and sounded nice enough and had read some things that i had read and i had some free tickets to a movie i wanted to see and i desperately wanted to stop drinking and crying to anna forsher, so i "messaged" him back and we agreed to meet. first, he didn't have a car. that is no crime, certainly not it portland. however, it is a crime of love to ask someone to drive you around on an errand on a first date. he had bought a computer from a girl at reed college, all the way across town from him, and asked me to drive him over to pick him up. i might have thought that he was using the mercury's lovelab personal service to bum rides from lonely girls except he was pretty unattractive, at least by portland standards, and so devoid of any ability to interpret social signals that i'm sure he thought this was ok. well, anyway, i did it because he asked me like twenty minutes before i was supposed to pick him up and what was i going to do, say no and crawl back into the bath to cry? no, i am way stronger than that. strong enough not to be able to refuse an extensive favor (it involved a lot of waiting around, pulling around to the back and carrying) for a guy i didn't know. so we got his computer and then went to this bar i liked at the time, with greasy food and good, strong drink specials. the second we get in there, he complains about how smoky it is, then how dark. when the waitress comes, i order a whiskey & ginger and take a look at the menu. he doesn't know what to order - i tell him the mixed drinks are pretty cheap, figuring he knows the basic combinations that will not make a person look like they would rather be eating a popsicle. when the waitress comes around again, he looks frantic, and practically shouts what is obviously the first thing that came into his head - "a sloe gin fizz!" when it came it was redder than my shoes. then he decided he didn't want to eat there because all the food was too greasy, so we finished our drinks and went to another bar i like where the beer is cheap and the noodle dishes are delicious.

i have to go watch heroes now. i trust no one will be disappointed if i continue this story later or fail to do so at all.