Wednesday
a thing
here is the thing. well, not the thing, a thing. here is a thing. i hate romantic movies because they make me feel like my life sucks. my life doesn't suck at all, it's just never as romantic as the movies i watch. and i don't watch any of those terrible sandra bullock meg ryan movies, either, so it's always these creative arthouse romances that are supposed to be more realistic than those movies because they aren't mainstream, but they always just leave me feeling angry at my boyfriend for absolutely no fair reason. i wish my life was dreamier, too. not like surf hunk mark paul gosselaar dreamy, like imagining about birds in the spring or fall light or living in a faraway time (not zombies - daydreaming about the zombie apocalypse is just escapism) dreamy. to some extent, everyone's life is a little bit dreamy. reality is subjective - just look at studies done about eyewitness accounts and you will learn that people remember and interpret things differently based on their experiences and desires. so, everyone's day-to-day perceptions stray from reality, and in that way everyone's life is a little bit dreamy. but i don't want regular dreamy, like wishing i had a burrito instead of a yogurt or an enormous soda instead of water in a recycled vitamin water container, i want big dreamy like pretending my car is an airplane and having fun driving to work but still getting there safely. the problem is, when i try to imagine this stuff and then i try to share it because it is so fun, people look at me like i'm either twelve or hallucinogenic.
stereotypes make romance seem like the impetus behind the gender divide (i like to think of it as a political movement rather than a canyon). girls are crazy for it and boys think it is a total drag but will keep up appearances in the beginning to make the girl think what, that they are romantic? what's the point in that? you're just setting up expectations you can't meet. and then there's the inevitable argument over the guy never being romantic and there is some failed attempt to bring it back with an expensive candlelit dinner or something and it's all just a flop. then, there's the backlash, where girls make guys think that they don't care about all that stuff so that the guys will like them because they can hang out and drink beer, but then the girl realizes too late that she is a closet princess and wants dinner or at least some gentlemanly behavior. that would be awesome.
basically i am frustrated because watching a movie made me feel like my life would be better if someone did a nice thing for me. people probably do nice things for me every day that i completely take for granted, so i guess i am saying my life would be better if someone did a nice thing for me and then told me about it, like said it was for the occasion that i was pretty or something. the problem is, when romance like that happens in real life i just want to hit someone.
also, i want people to stop doing mean things to me. like eating my biscuits and then hiding the evidence. you jerks!
tonight i went to a movie with a new friend. it was nice to do something with someone who
a. is not jake
b. is not one of my roommates
c. is a girl.
not that she and i have a whole lot in common. in fact, jake laughed at me a little because he can tell after just being in the same room with her a few times at school that we have absolutely nothing in common. but we had a great time and we ran out of the theater laughing even when the guy behind the counter tried to talk to us. actually, when he did that we just laughed harder and ran faster. it's ok though, when we drove past he was laughing and cleaning the window and i think he waved, like in the end of that one smashing pumpkins song where billy corgan is a voyeur.
stereotypes make romance seem like the impetus behind the gender divide (i like to think of it as a political movement rather than a canyon). girls are crazy for it and boys think it is a total drag but will keep up appearances in the beginning to make the girl think what, that they are romantic? what's the point in that? you're just setting up expectations you can't meet. and then there's the inevitable argument over the guy never being romantic and there is some failed attempt to bring it back with an expensive candlelit dinner or something and it's all just a flop. then, there's the backlash, where girls make guys think that they don't care about all that stuff so that the guys will like them because they can hang out and drink beer, but then the girl realizes too late that she is a closet princess and wants dinner or at least some gentlemanly behavior. that would be awesome.
basically i am frustrated because watching a movie made me feel like my life would be better if someone did a nice thing for me. people probably do nice things for me every day that i completely take for granted, so i guess i am saying my life would be better if someone did a nice thing for me and then told me about it, like said it was for the occasion that i was pretty or something. the problem is, when romance like that happens in real life i just want to hit someone.
also, i want people to stop doing mean things to me. like eating my biscuits and then hiding the evidence. you jerks!
tonight i went to a movie with a new friend. it was nice to do something with someone who
a. is not jake
b. is not one of my roommates
c. is a girl.
not that she and i have a whole lot in common. in fact, jake laughed at me a little because he can tell after just being in the same room with her a few times at school that we have absolutely nothing in common. but we had a great time and we ran out of the theater laughing even when the guy behind the counter tried to talk to us. actually, when he did that we just laughed harder and ran faster. it's ok though, when we drove past he was laughing and cleaning the window and i think he waved, like in the end of that one smashing pumpkins song where billy corgan is a voyeur.
Tuesday
let's blog about blogging
when i first started blogging, i was pretty hesitant about using "blog" as a verb but pretty gung-ho about blogging about everything i thought up or found on the internet. now it's the other way around. maybe i've run out of ideas, maybe i've run out of things to find on the internet, i don't know. i do know that the report on tesla promises to be about ten segments long and the more i get into it the more daunting it is. but i will finish it, because 2006 is the year of nikola tesla and he deserves my admiration. so far, i have checked out wikipedia, which turned out to be ohhhkay, and a pbs website about the life of nikola tesla that i think they used as background for some sort of special they did on him. that one is extremely informative, although i feel that they don't have enough sympathy for tesla and don't blame the world enough for the trials and tribulations he experienced. that is why i am writing my report.
enough about blogging. let's blog about some things i'm thinking.
i have this weird thing. it started as a scrape on my chin that i got at the pool, and now it is some sort of blister that's up on my cheek. it seems to be accompanied by some slightly painful swelling of the lymph nodes somewhere close to the blister. it is gross and i'm not going outside, not even to do errands or grocery shopping (both of which i love for their own sakes but also because no matter how terrible you look someone not far away looks worse, like a lady with curlers and slippers at trader joe's. actually, most people look ok at trader joe's, probably because they have pretty attractive cashiers and no one wants to look insane when they're interacting with someone pretty attractive. safeway is another story. there is one near my house that's like another dimension. well, either way, i'm not going). i don't know what it is and that's really bothering me. everyone has different suggestions - dry it out, keep it moist, disenfect it. they all sound good at the time but i don't know how it happened so i don't know if any of them will make it worse. so now i'm cranky and i think swimming will make me feel better but i don't want to go because what if that's how this happened in the first place? dangit! gross.
money is a terrible system. for me, right now. when jake's friend bob was here for thanksgiving, he started talking some crazy talk. he said things like when you're given a social security number, they create this persona that has your name but isn't you and that is the persona that makes a contract with society and interacts financially and gets in trouble when you do something illegal, but you can divorce yourself from this persona somehow and figure out a new way to deal with things, like a way where it's ok to yell at cops even if you are the one in trouble, depending on what you say. i guess there are some key words or something. he said he just had to learn a little bit more about it and then he could yell at cops and never be in trouble. well, bob also believes that the administration is rounding up all the armed liberals and sending them to a concentration camp in alaska, but i can see the appeal of wanting out of the whole monetary system. bob believes that it was created to keep you and me down, and i can see how frustration could really make that feel true. i'm not really sure if it's true or not, and i'm sure i never will, but things like car payments (which i have) and credit card debt (which i do not have) are the reasons that people like me dream about the zombie apocalypse. i may never truly get my checkbook balanced, but i sure know how to club a zombie with a baseball bat.
enough about blogging. let's blog about some things i'm thinking.
i have this weird thing. it started as a scrape on my chin that i got at the pool, and now it is some sort of blister that's up on my cheek. it seems to be accompanied by some slightly painful swelling of the lymph nodes somewhere close to the blister. it is gross and i'm not going outside, not even to do errands or grocery shopping (both of which i love for their own sakes but also because no matter how terrible you look someone not far away looks worse, like a lady with curlers and slippers at trader joe's. actually, most people look ok at trader joe's, probably because they have pretty attractive cashiers and no one wants to look insane when they're interacting with someone pretty attractive. safeway is another story. there is one near my house that's like another dimension. well, either way, i'm not going). i don't know what it is and that's really bothering me. everyone has different suggestions - dry it out, keep it moist, disenfect it. they all sound good at the time but i don't know how it happened so i don't know if any of them will make it worse. so now i'm cranky and i think swimming will make me feel better but i don't want to go because what if that's how this happened in the first place? dangit! gross.
money is a terrible system. for me, right now. when jake's friend bob was here for thanksgiving, he started talking some crazy talk. he said things like when you're given a social security number, they create this persona that has your name but isn't you and that is the persona that makes a contract with society and interacts financially and gets in trouble when you do something illegal, but you can divorce yourself from this persona somehow and figure out a new way to deal with things, like a way where it's ok to yell at cops even if you are the one in trouble, depending on what you say. i guess there are some key words or something. he said he just had to learn a little bit more about it and then he could yell at cops and never be in trouble. well, bob also believes that the administration is rounding up all the armed liberals and sending them to a concentration camp in alaska, but i can see the appeal of wanting out of the whole monetary system. bob believes that it was created to keep you and me down, and i can see how frustration could really make that feel true. i'm not really sure if it's true or not, and i'm sure i never will, but things like car payments (which i have) and credit card debt (which i do not have) are the reasons that people like me dream about the zombie apocalypse. i may never truly get my checkbook balanced, but i sure know how to club a zombie with a baseball bat.
Monday
oh you pretty things
late last night i got back from a half-weekend in washington following jake's band around. i mean, i wasn't just tagging along barking at their heels or anything, a bunch of people (three) who weren't in the band came along. that is pretty typical for their shows - i usually go, jordon's sister usually goes, and then one other person, often my roommate willie, but sometimes peter, usually goes. we all had fun. the first night was in olympia. olympia was pretty cold, and also full of lesbians. portland is supposed to have a lot of lesbians here, but we got nothin on the population of young, pretty and easy-to-talk-to lesbians that olympia has. this might be offensive, but being from san francisco you get pretty used to the short-gray-hair, large shirt birkenstocked lesbian. portland has slightly more variety, but not much. but i get the sense that as a town whose night life mildly revolves around the local college, the majority of olympia's lesbians are young and attractive, which was a pretty new thing to me and that is why i am writing about it even if it might be offensive. sometimes i'm just not sure.
at the show in olympia, this guy came that knows one of my roommates and i met for about five minutes over the summer. he made kind of a snotty impression in those five minutes, which was followed up by some pretty snotty impressions of him done by my roommate who likes to do impressions (they are usually impeccable). so when i saw him there, i started to talk about how i didn't like him. then i saw him sitting alone at the bar, looking really really alone, and i realized i didn't know him at all and i felt terrible. thankfully, i had time to go around to everyone i had said anything to and take it all back before we hung out with him after the show, because he turned out to be pretty nice with a good sense of humor and hilarious facial expressions.
then on sunday we drove up to seattle. seattle is a nice place, and it has a lot of cool-looking things. i get the sense that it's a lot like portland, except with fewer bridges, i don't know it at all, and the hipsters are fatter and slightly more masculine. the space needle is a great landmark for driving and a cool place to walk around. it was cold though - it snowed almost the entire time we were there. i wished i was warmer pretty much the entire trip, and at dinner on sunday i realized that i had been having fun but was probably being a drag because all i did the whole time was complain. then after dinner i threw a bunch of snowballs and tried to think of the snow as "magical" instead of "frozen rain" and it worked out pretty well.
at the show in olympia, this guy came that knows one of my roommates and i met for about five minutes over the summer. he made kind of a snotty impression in those five minutes, which was followed up by some pretty snotty impressions of him done by my roommate who likes to do impressions (they are usually impeccable). so when i saw him there, i started to talk about how i didn't like him. then i saw him sitting alone at the bar, looking really really alone, and i realized i didn't know him at all and i felt terrible. thankfully, i had time to go around to everyone i had said anything to and take it all back before we hung out with him after the show, because he turned out to be pretty nice with a good sense of humor and hilarious facial expressions.
then on sunday we drove up to seattle. seattle is a nice place, and it has a lot of cool-looking things. i get the sense that it's a lot like portland, except with fewer bridges, i don't know it at all, and the hipsters are fatter and slightly more masculine. the space needle is a great landmark for driving and a cool place to walk around. it was cold though - it snowed almost the entire time we were there. i wished i was warmer pretty much the entire trip, and at dinner on sunday i realized that i had been having fun but was probably being a drag because all i did the whole time was complain. then after dinner i threw a bunch of snowballs and tried to think of the snow as "magical" instead of "frozen rain" and it worked out pretty well.
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