Saturday

as long as no one who lives with you figures it out, it's still a secret

well i did finish it, and it turns out it was about a lot more than kissing a sixteen-year-old. it was partly about how sometimes when you try your absolute hardest to be a good person, terrible things still happen (i know all about that), and also how a certain code of morals that includes chivalry and an appreciation for the outdoors is somewhat obsolete (although i'm not one for camping, i know a little bit about that). it made me cry really hard and now i'm going to go take a shower so no one can tell.

down in the valley

i just got halfway through it, and unless life while not watching this movie gets incredibly more painful i will not be watching any more of it. i am the kind of movie watcher who can sit through guts being ripped out and eye stabbings and continue to put popcorn in my mouth, but i could never make it through an entire episode of the wonder years because there was always a point where something so embarassing was going to happen to kevin that i had to change the channel. i watched most of the squid and the whale through my fingers with my hood pulled halfway over my eyes; i just plain walked out of meet the parents. at the moment i checked out of this movie, ed norton had taken the little brother of the main character (who he is dating, which is forbidden by her father, who is a police officer and owns a ton of guns) on a trail ride on a horse he does not own (which you can legally be shot for and which he has already gotten in trouble with the law for once in this movie, to the knowledge, chagrin and fury of the main character's father) to shoot guns in some kind of aqueduct because he thinks the kid needs some "fresh air." this is going to end terribly and i am not going to be there to see it. this has been pretty much the worst procrastination ever.

my question for ed norton: why did you make a movie where you kiss a sixteen-year-old constantly? we all love you, but no one is behind you on this one.

new rule - animal touching animal of completely different species, aok.

Friday

well i'll be darned

how real do you think this is?

i'm not sure. the people who have researched it will probably tell me that the government wants me to doubt its existence. well, the government's kind of getting its way. what kind of forces, in terms of people, weaponry, and transportation, would they need to enact some kind of feat like rounding up all the liberals and putting them in these "camps"? how could they hide that kind of stuff? i'd like to think that, especially now with a democratic house, the government is transparent enough not to be able to keep something like this from the people. i don't think bush has the power to pull this off. granted, i'm not into nascar, so i've never actually discussed politics with someone who fully supported him, but i can't imagine what would happen in at least any of the urban centers i've ever visited if anything like what this website predicts even attempted to transpire. riots in the streets, baseball bats with nails in them, homemade snares. enough of us are prepared for the zombie apocalypse that we could hole up and ride it out with short periods of running and violence. jake might think i'm naive and unprepared for the reality that the government is trying to disarm its citizens so that it can round up the free thinkers. but what kind of event in the next two years could possibly "force" bush to sign those executive orders? he doesn't have a lot of time left, so something really serious would have to happen between now and then. an enormous threat to our country from the inside. first of all, i don't see that happening, and second of all i don't see the president having the support to pull something like that off. while i understand that it is satisfying to wholeheartedly believe that our president is a man ethically capable of pulling something atrocious like that on his own citizens, i don't think it's going to happen. it's exciting to think that you know a secret and it's exciting to think you know what's going to happen and that you need to inform people about it, but even assuming that the information on this website is totally for real (doubtful), how likely is it to happen, really (not very). who knows, maybe in a month or a year i will be biting my tongue and brandishing a katana in the streets on a motorcycle. actually, motorcycles are niosy, so probably on a bicycle. slower, but sneakier and more fuel efficient. but as my car payments reach their end, this end-of-times form of escapism is becoming less and less a part of my daily daydream routine, slowly being replaced by scenes of domestic bliss (me, alone in the house, and it's clean. maybe i'm reading, maybe i have my feet up on the coffee table and i'm listening to some records, maybe i'm jumping up and down on the couch trying to run my finger along the molding to show myself there's no dust there. the point of the dreams is, 1. it's quiet except for the noise of my choosing and 2. it's clean. really clean.)

housewives have it made

this is for sure my new favorite website.

of course, no one will be cleaning the bathroom nor the kitchen anytime soon, and also none of my roommates look anything like that. but it's fun to dream.

i hate almost everyone

right now i hate anyone who is writing a paper on a film, anyone who is sleeping in tomorrow, anyone who is a roommate of mine and whose dishes are in the sink, on the counter, or pretty much anywhere downstairs except clean in the cupboard, anyone who turns the music at the nightclub across the street from my house up so loud, anyone who has not seen the prestige and still has so much to look forward to, anyone spending less than me on christmas presents, anyone who has ever met patrick stewart, anyone who is making noise downstairs, anyone who isn't cold, and anyone who is done with grad school applications. all you people can go suck on a lemon, because i hate you and probably will until at least monday. i love my friend jordan because i missed his birthday yesterday but i know he will still call me on mine and not even be a little upset and i love my cat because earlier i gave him catnip and he freaked out for my amusement and then when i was done being amused he fell asleep on a pile of jake's (mostly black) clothes. awesome.

Thursday

i found this while i was looking for pictures of doctor strange's house


this hamster lives in this tiny house. people are so crazy.

i win

today was a terrific day. i stopped by the bakery at work to get some cookies, but their credit card machine wasn't working so they just GAVE them to me. and that was only the beginning. after that, i got my friends and myself some delicious orange soda, which we all enjoyed to the tune of some christmas carols. then, later, one of the bigger (as in nerdier, not as in heavier) nerds and i started a pool: everyone was going to pick a superhero who deserved to be pulled from the archives, and we were going to put money on the one we picked to be the first to appear in a comic book movie or have a movie of their own. the rules were, no one who already had a movie or one obviously in the works, and the hero had to have his or her own series. well, i have been on a real doctor strange thing lately. i just read the issue that frank miller did where spiderman saves doctor strange from "the dread dormammu," and doctor strange is the ish. honestly, as a little child reading my dad's "origin of marvel comics," he was my favorite. as i got older, i abandoned him for flashier and more popular superheroes; spiderman, the x-men, iron man. but he deserved more from me. his powers aren't the result of an experiment-gone-wrong or the benefit of technological know-how combined with gobs of money; he studied for years to be able to understand the power behind the mystery he controls. while he was more or less a product of the late sixties, as is obvious by his sensitive and open-minded perspective on his playboy lifestyle and his new-age approach to the concept of magic (astral projection, entering dreams, crystals) the time is ripe for a reinvention of doctor strange. he has a very batman begins-esque backstory, complete with intense training on a mountaintop and a later adversarious encounter with his former master. what with the popularity of harry potter, the entertainment industry is rife with stories about magic and the supernatural; if they just got rid of the clouds of pink smoke that come out of his hands and some of his hokier mumbo-jumbo, doctor strange could fill both a superhero and a magician niche with panache. as everyone knows, x3 is being used as a jumpoff point for four spinoffs: wolverine, emma frost, xavier school and magneto. i predicted he would appear in at least one of the wolverine films, as wolverine went to doctor strange for help uncovering his past when professor x first refused him. maybe this would lead to his own spinoff, who knew. then, my bubble was burst: doctor strange has his own animated film slated for release straight to dvd next year. they could have really done this up right: big-name actor, maybe even two, one for a younger and one for an older doctor strange. big-name actress who he saves from trouble in various dimensions. tie-ins, amazing special effects, everything. but no. animated, straight to dvd. this was a heartbreaker. definitely the biggest bummer of the day. but you know what i realized? i had had probably a half-hour conversation with someone at work who i wasn't sure was even really my friend anymore about my passion and predictions for doctor strange, and he kept this information from me because he wanted me to enjoy my optimism. a lot of good things happened to me today; that was probably the nicest. i think now i'll put my money on thor and hope they don't make him as much of a weenie as he was originally. let's just hope they leave the silver surfer buried.

then a work friend gave me a tip, and i found that i could get a christmas present that i was feeling guilty over how much i had paid for it for twenty bucks less tomorrow! that felt great, especially since it's a really good present that i'm excited about giving. then, on my way out of work ( i work in a mall), i waved to santa and he asked me if i "still wanted that pony." "how did you know?!" i asked him. he winked and held his belly while he chortled, then he rang a little bell at me while i was on the escalator. it was perfect. then, when i was crossing the street outside, the light was red and this guy i had covertly stared at a little before was like, "let's do it." "i'm in," i said, and we jaywalked together. i don't jaywalk, but how could i refuse? when we got to the other side of the street, we shook hands. yes.

the weird thing is, yesterday i ate really healthy and felt awful. today i ate nothing but sugar - the cookies, the orange soda, the cranberry bliss bar, the peppermint cookies i found at trader joe's - and i feel totally awesome. sugar is like the sun to my superman. people use kryptonite metaphors too often. don't they know that superman gets his power from the sun? kryptonite is so negative.


oh HECK yes. am i crazy, or did doctor strange make a cameo appearance in one of the x-men movies, or at least an x-men i've read recently? i feel like there is a shot of them flying over his house ("sanctum sanctorum") with its extremely recognizable skylight (a real house in greenwich village, next time i'm in new york i'm going there gosh i wish superheroes were real so i could meet them i wish that so hard) but he's not home or something.

best things i learned from looking up doctor strange on wikipedia just now:
his address is 177A Bleecker Street
he is mentioned in pink floyd's song "cymbaline" and appears on the cover of a saucerful of secrets, and is mentioned in a t rex song
dr orpheus in the venture brothers is modelled after him (he is the best character on the venture brothers, ask anyone)
he has been in like a million dimensions and time periods
doctor strange is totally, totally rad

Tuesday

let's blog about the pictures i have on here instead of doing real work

i'm going over to a friend's house to watch elf in like half an hour anyway. i can't wait! first time this season!

i was thinking about that chris isaak picture. look at the sneer thing he has going on with his lip. my friend says that he sounds like if bing crosby and roy orbison made it, but you know what? after watching the christmas special, it is pretty obvious that elvis is his idol. i'll bet when he was little he practiced that lip thing in the mirror so much that now it just comes naturally. he never talks about how much he's into elvis, but he does cover an elvis christmas song on his album. but he also covers a roy orbison one. i guess my one gripe with chris isaak is that he never comes out and just says "okay, everyone, i know you know this already, but i wish i was elvis. there you go." i mean, we do all know it. wait, i have another gripe - i have been waiting for the chris isaak show to come out on dvd for like five years. i never watched it because it was on way too late for me or i was busy watching sifl n olly or i just had no idea i liked chris isaak so much back then, but i wish like hell i could watch it now. remember that one video he had, the one where it was on the beach and like a million girls were in love with him but he was too sad for all of them? or maybe that's an amalgamation of several of his videos, i don't know. memory is weird. anyway, if you don't think chris isaak is cool, here are two things that probably won't change your mind but have served to reaffirm my own opinions: two guys whose opinions i have a lot of respect for both think chris isaak is awesome and both have used the term "modern-day roy orbison" to describe him although they have definitely never met, and also one guy i who i just plain admire came down to the city for a punk show he wanted to see (i forget the band, but i remember thinking "man he is so cool, i wish i'd gone to that show") and saw someone at the show. guess who that person was? it was chris isaak, and he was dressed like a greaser. awesome.

a friend commented the other day that the guy in a tux is actually riding backwards. amazing! i wish i could meet him. although i don't think he speaks english, so i guess i wish he learned to speak english and then i wish i could meet him.

i just realized i can't wait for the snl christmas special. i love the steve martin sketch where he is wearing that ridiculous sweater and he does all that wishing. it makes me laugh every year and then i reference it for like two months after christmas is over.

another picture i keep thinking about is the one of the rabbit stealing a cookie. look at that steely glint in his eye; he knows this is wrong, he's not even sure if he's going to like the way the cookie tastes, but he is going to take that damn cookie and nibble it under the couch! he's looking the person taking the picture straight in the eye. that bunny is bold. also, i'm always confused as to the setting of the picture. the paper cups make it look kind of like an office party; why is there a bunny in an office? or maybe it's just a gathering in a house where the people don't want to do too much clean-up. so why is the bunny out? he might get stepped on. also, bunnies are afraid by nature. why would this rabbit be doing something so bold with a bunch of company around?

the one picture that grates on my conscience is the one of the panda eating cake. at first, i thought it was a triumph, in the way that funny things on the internet that you find and show to other people can be a triumph even though they were put there by other people. the context of the picture is, it's the panda's birthday. he has a little crown on, and he's eating a piece of cake with a fork. it makes you feel terrific to look at it. but then i thought about it, and i realized that pandas don't know the meaning of celebration. i'm glad the panda doesn't know that the tiny crown is demeaning because it mocks his giantness. and as for the cake, if it's bad for people, it's probably terrible for him! i thought that animals in captivity were supposed to lead lives as close to the ones they would have led in the wild because that is what's healthy, but it's obvious that this panda is just an oversized pet. he's being forced to do "people" things and then being laughed at for them. and with that diatribe, my attempt to force my cat into a tiny polo shirt i bought at target officially comes to an end.

i wish i was going to the galapagos

my grandparents went to the galapagos and took these picture

the variety of birds is pretty neat (especially the one where one bird is eating another bird's head), and of course i think the seals are great, although the turtles (tortoises?) are my favorite. i never really thought of lizards living in a colony like that. maybe i don't want to go to the galapagos. seeing them in large numbers like that is disturbing.

every year i try to dress up my mom's cats in christmas decorations and every year i get scratched

Monday

i can't wait for the cookies to start coming

i love christmas. i used to be kind of a bah humbug and i only liked the holidays because there was no school and i could go home and eat things that i didn't pay for and watch tivoed episodes of all my favorite shows, which my mother is gracious enough not to delete for me, as well as a million episodes of law & order all and then stay out with my friends until four in the morning. that is all pretty fun and i plan on doing it this time around, but i used to get pretty down on the whole caroling, red-and-green holiday spirit stuff. then, last year, the parents of a girl i was babysitting were going to be home very late, so i let her stay up and watch elf with me. the next day, i went out and spent $300 on christmas presents. while i still maintain that red and green look terrible together (although i find myself wearing them together by accident pretty regularly), and i have a much smaller budget for presents than i did last year, the holiday spirit has not yet worn off and i think christmas is awesome. honestly, i really don't care if i get anything. honestly, i know i really won't be getting anything because i already used up all my birthday and christmas presents on getting my car fixed and applying to sixteen graduate schools. but i'm still excited, partially for the little things that my relatives will send me (now that i am working in the real world the presents i took for granted in high school are awesome treasures, and things that i would never have worn before are suddenly wardrobe staples) and partially because it's a time when everyone can feel good about everyone else in their lives. while other christmas shoppers are kind of a pain, even on the weekdays ( i am constantly surprised by how many people are at target instead of at work. what do these people do that so many of them are around and in my way on a monday?), spending money on other people is pretty satisfying, especially when it's something that you know will make them happy or at least something that they will appreciate if you include some way-back memory in the card.

another reason i love christmas this year is that i found a bunch of christmas songs that some great artists have done. obviously, you've got the bing crosby and perry como standards, but the beach boys and ringo starr also both have christmas albums. there is a country christmas album, featuring johnny cash's rendition of the little drummer boy, as well as a motown christmas album and a collaboration album between john denver and the muppets. elvis, roy orbison and louis armstrong all have original christmas songs, and the sonics wrote and recorded three (although one is just a bunch of talking over music and bells). there are a few by dion, some by the platters and the ronettes, and even chubby checker has a version of "jingle bell rock." then think of the movies! again, you've got the muppets, who are the supporting cast to michael caine's scrooge. michael caine made a feature-length movie with the muppets! and that movie is about christmas! patrick stewart played the same role in a slightly darker adaptation, and then there is the untouchable jimmy stewart in perhaps the most recognizable christmas classic of them all. of course, we don't watch these movies in our house. i can only get partway through it's a wonderful life before i want to throw myself off a bridge, and god forbid i make it through to the undigestably sugary end. that movie is just too much of a rollercoaster for me. and my mother thinks tiny tim is "smarmy." our holiday tradition is to finish wrapping presents and watch chris isaak's christmas special, with special guest stevie nicks. let me just put this out there: i love chris isaak. i think he's the modern day roy orbison. sometimes when i'm home i will make up excuses to drive up and down the great highway on a sunny day, hoping to see him jaywalking with his surfboard. well, he has a christmas album, and a christmas special to go along with it that airs on pbs every christmas eve. he changes his outfit three times, and every time he comes out with a new elvis suit on, all with holiday decorations in sequins on the lapels. it is amazing, and it makes you wonder how many he has in his closet. is there one for easter? one for first dates, or his mom's birthday? obviously, copious celebrities are way into christmas, so who am i to abstain?


yessss his name is on his guitar - is that in case he doesn't know which one is his? yesssss

Sunday

it's time to get to work

i work best under pressure. i know that it is smarter to do a little bit a day over a long period of time, and i was into that for a while. it was going ok, but one day i didn't do anything and suddenly it was "oh i'll just watch this episode of the oc on youtube first," or "oh it's payday well it's obvious that i should go to a movie." i'm not saying those aren't worthwhile things, i'm just saying that when i decided to do them in the back of my mind i knew there was something else i was supposed to be doing. did that make them less enjoyable? no. more enjoyable, if anything. because at this point in my life, i know one thing about myself; that if i do useless things like browsing youtube or going to a three-dollar movie enough times, at one point i will break, get really stressed out about something i have to do, and get to work with a vengeance. well, today is the day. time to put aside the cat sweater i started, time to decide that my christmas mix is exactly right and stop searching for "christmas," "holiday" or "snow" on the itunes store, time to abandon youtube and stop taking two showers a day. i know a million ways to procrastinate and even more ways to justify doing it, but today is my breaking point and i am going to git 'er done.