new year's eve

this year, i spent it at home losing really, really badly at monopoly and being kind of a brat about it. it wasn't the killer party, but it was pretty fun and i had a good time. it was pretty much exactly what i wanted, except partway through i realized that i also wanted a bunch of my friends to call me and tell me what their wacky schemes for fun were and ask me to join them, invitations i would politely, although not self-righteously, decline. i just really did not feel like doing the same thing i do every year, which is drink a bunch of champagne and see what amber young is doing and maybe get some donuts, which is all fine but slightly disappointing when you've spent days trying to come up with some kind of grand plan that will make everyone as happy and excited as possible. i didn't want to do or be subject to any of these grand plans or the inevitable disappointment this year. i didn't want to do or be subject to any of the hooting and hollering that goes on when two girls kiss at midnight, or someone throws up their burger downtown after the fireworks. i just didn't feel like it this year, so i stayed home, and none of my friends called. some friends who were in different time zones texted me some pretty funny versions of "happy new year" two to three hours early, but that was it. i don't know, maybe i told everyone i was staying home and not to bug me and then completely forgot about it; maybe everyone else had the same idea. either way, this year i was left out of everyone's plans. this sort of suits me just fine, but it makes me kind of worried that i severed a bunch of ties and will never see these people again. when i first went to college, i was terrified that this would happen - that all the friends i had made would forget about me, or that none of us would ever talk to each other again. obviously, that didn't happen, but it does sort of feel like we all started to not care about each other that much. i mean, can i really call someone my best friend if i only see them twice a year? of course i care about these people, but i sort of feel like we've all started to be less inclined to do favors for each other, or less inclined to call each other if the other one didn't call first. then again, every time i hang out with them, i have a terrific time, way more fun than with most other people, and it's really comforting to be around people who have known me for so long. maybe everyone was just busy and we are all still awesome.