they're still all good stories

there's this idea floating around, that new wives or new mothers are prone to crazy, lonely adventures, like ceasing to sleep entirely and using this time to read anna karenina over and over again or packing the kid and a flask of gin in the car and driving as far as she can by noon and telling the kid they're going to the zoo. i used to think that is was an idea that male authors had about women that they thought stayed home all day with nothing to do or who they suspected were suffering from postpartem depression, but i'm starting to think it's kind of real. i always thought that if i married rich, i would stay home with the baby and take fistfuls of antidepressants and spend a lot of time telling the baby that it's ok that i haven't put pants on yet, and then when the father came home i would say "oh, we went to the park." real stay-at-home moms take care of kids all day and do chores and really take them to the zoo. at least, on law & order they're always well put together and pushing a stroller at the park. but i'm not even close to being married, or having too much time on my hands, and i'm still starting to get weird ideas, like shoplifting or picking people up from the bus stop and taking them to their houses or going to the zoo by myself during a storm. i'm also becoming sort of a hypochondriac. sometimes it's just a fake cold or a stomachache. this week it's the beginning symptoms of scurvy, so i bought myself eight bottles of orange juice and dared myself to drink them all tonight. it doesn't have anything to do with jake, i don't think. i don't want to cheat on him at all. just all of a sudden these ideas come into my head and i really want to do them. maybe i'm going insane.